Blog

My Relationship Felt so “Easy” in the Beginning – What Went Wrong?

Couple walking on path between trees
In my work as a relationship therapist, I help clients overcome a variety of relationship challenges by helping provide insights into their experiences and strategies for overcoming common roadblocks.A challenge I often hear about as a relationship therapist is that the beginning of a relationship felt “easy” and months – or years – later, one or both partners are now trying to understand why things are challenging as the relationship progresses. Along with that ease, the couple experienced a notable “spark” early on, accompanied by an all-consuming feeling. Some clients assume that this ease, intense attraction, and chemistry are indicators of a sustainable relationship and they continue ...

Read More →

Understanding the Phases of Change

couple lying on the floor together smiling
Relationships, like life, are full of change. If you desire to shift any dynamic in your relationships, you must be prepared for and understand how to navigate the natural stages of change.If your partner in a romantic relationship is attempting to shift his or her behavior such as breaking an addiction, changing long-standing communication patterns, or being more present when with you, fully understanding the process of change, and the fact that it might not be a linear, progressive path, is essential. As I outline the six fundamental stages of change in this post, as coined in The Transtheoretical Model (Prochaska, DiClemente, & Norcross, 1992), I hope to ...

Read More →

Emerging Womanhood: Finding Yourself After Kids

mom laughing with daughters
You’ve spent the better part of the last two to ten years putting your children’s needs far above your own. You’ve spent countless months on a nursing and/or pumping schedule, long nights rocking little ones, and endless days cleaning up after them. Your children have consumed nearly all of your time and energy, and you have possibly even thrived within those dynamics.Now, your little ones are off to school and you're off to...well, you’re not sure. With some quiet time to yourself and less daily chaos in your home, you’re left wondering what to do next. Maybe you’re even wondering what you enjoy anymore, and possibly even ...

Read More →

The Key to Making Couple’s Therapy Work: Regular Maintenance

couple holding hands
In my work as a Denver therapist, I regularly witness the power of individual therapy to heal relationship problems. Setting aside time to talk about the way your relationships influence your thoughts and behaviors one-one-one with a trained relationship psychologist is paramount to transforming a relationship.Many couples choose couples therapy in addition to, or sometimes instead of, individual therapy to work through their greatest relationship challenges, arguments, and differences. While this can be an effective complement to individual therapy, generally couples wait too long to make the commitment to couple’s therapy, and being more proactive about the need for such therapy is key to it’s success.

Read More →

3 Reasons Black and White Thinking Can Damage a Relationship

Man walking away from woman
Do you think in black and white or fifty shades of gray? Do you prefer absolutes, certainty, and a clear relationship path or a more spontaneous relationship journey? Do you spend too much time thinking about the ultimate outcome of a relationship rather than simply embracing the moments with your loved one?Black and white thinking is a common relationship dynamic or defense mechanism, usually with one of the parties involved. This “either/or” thinking might include needing absolute answers about where the relationship stands, is going, and the associated timelines. It can sometimes manifest as a preoccupation with the next relationship milestone or the relationship status.Black and white ...

Read More →

4 Ways to Overcome the Lingering Grief of Divorce

Women sitting on park bench
While most people know that the process of divorce can be grueling and painful, it’s a common mistake to think that once the papers are signed, the suffering and grief will also come to an end. Enduring the financial, emotional, and psychological pain of separation from a partner you thought you’d spend your life with is excruciating, but it’s a whole other thing to work through the lifelong process of fully healing from devastating loss of any kind.Maybe instead of sadness, you felt a sense of freedom and celebrated the end of your marriage with serial dating, late nights out, and extensive travel. Maybe you ...

Read More →

Dating Down: Understanding Why You Choose Who You Choose

Women at dusk texting
“Dating down” is relatively new relationship terminology but the concept has been around for ages. Even just a century ago, individuals might have been pressured to marry into certain families with certain social status, or been influenced by dowries. Dating outside your social status could be viewed as the modern day equivalent of these dynamics.While it’s important to look beyond salary and status when choosing a mate, dating someone with a wildly different lifestyle, values or goals can prove challenging overtime. As an extreme example, if you have a professional 9-5 job with a healthy salary and your partner is a host at a restaurant, lives with his ...

Read More →