Blog

Uncovering the Lessons of a Break Up

women staring into the distance
While often the end of a relationships is a time marked by grief, sadness, and regret, it can also be a time of discovery, learning, and maybe even a sense of liberation.In my work as a relationship therapist, I see individual therapy clients who struggle with breakups and heartache regularly, and refocusing their energy on the lessons and potential growth during this time of grieving can be a particularly effective way to grow and learn from the experience. If you too are struggling with healing, here are some key learnings in any relationship to focus on in the time following a break up.Consider what you learned ...

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Spread Too Thin: 4 Reasons You Fail to Set Healthy Boundaries

Mother overworked and tired
In my work as a relationship therapist, specializing in attachment theory, one phenomenon I often see is overcommitted women and men struggling to stay on top of competing priorities, resulting in complete exhaustion and burnout.If you feel depleted, overwhelmed, burned out, or inundated, it might be time to revisit the commitments in your life and restructure where needed. The challenge in overcoming the tendency to take on too much is understanding the unique reasons you overcommit. In order to get a better handle on how you spend your time and developing strategies for communicating with others in your life to better manage your time, it’s important to start ...

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Moving Too Fast: The 4 Things You Shouldn't Do Early in a Relationship

Couple near the water
It’s easy to get wrapped up in the excitement of a new relationship. You easily get swept away in the fun of learning all about a new person and experiencing the “firsts” together – first time holding hands, first kiss, the first time he/she calls you “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. During this thrilling time of infatuation, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the energy of new love and make an early, premature investment during this foggy infatuation phase, which is strongest in the first two to three months, but for some can last beyond six months.This tendency is all the more true if you tend to experience ...

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The Only 2 Criteria You Need to Evaluate a Relationship

couple gazing at one another
In the age of information overload, it’s common to want to evaluate a relationship with a long list of pros and cons, or do online research about “signs of the right relationship” instead of simply trusting your intuition, or inner compass when it comes to evaluating the health of your romantic partnerships.Because you have so many tools at your fingertips, it’s easy to be paralyzed evaluating relationship wish lists, and judging your partners in light of these lists, or missing opportunities to meet good people due to them. Another common experience is over-thinking the quality of your relationship, or experiencing a fear of missing out ...

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Understanding Your Tendency to be Attracted to Drama in Relationships

Guy and girl on motorcycle
The Relationship Roller Coaster, as I like to call it, is filled with emotional, exciting, and at times, frustrating ups and downs, twists and turns, and thrills. The drama and unpredictability of roller coasters is what gives you the excitement and surge of neurochemicals in your brain, and the very thing that gets you hooked and getting back in line for more “fun.”If you are aware of your tendency to enjoy the ups and downs of a dramatic or somewhat chaotic relationship, you are familiar with the Relationship Roller Coaster effect. What you may be less aware of is how that desire to get back in line ...

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Should I Stay or Should I Go?

couple looking at one another
Even in the best of relationships, at some point, you might question whether you should stay committed or leave your relationship and possibly start over with someone who might be an even better fit. This may happen in the first few months when you are still understanding whether someone is an ideal partner, or years down the line when you start to experience dynamics like drifting apart, dwindling intimacy, or a general misalignment of values and interests. It’s normal to question whether you are as happy and fulfilled as possible, and sometimes even wonder if there is a better partner out there for you.When you are contemplating a separation or ...

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How Your Mindset Predicts Relationship Success

couple walking in woods
The basic beliefs you have about yourself and your control over your future make up your mindset. Research performed by Stanford Psychologist Carol Dweck and summarized in Brain Picking’s recent article by Maria Popova, suggests that while this perspective may shift due to circumstances or personal variables, individuals fall in two core buckets when it comes to mindset: Fixed or Growth. Each of these mindsets has a direct impact on your relationship success and cultivating awareness of–and potentially changing–your default mindset can greatly influence the dynamics of your romantic partnerships.Similar to attachment systems, individuals develop one of these two mindsets at a very early age due to ...

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