Center for Shared Insight, PC

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Losing Yourself in a Relationship

Think back to your last break-up...Did you feel devastatingly empty, depressed, lost or wonder how you would move forward without this person in your life? If so, you might be prone to losing yourself in a relationship. If you tend to merge with your current partner, assume their likes and dislikes, and take on his or her interests, after the relationship ends, you most likely feel a deep loss of your sense of self.

You might wonder why you do this, how you can maintain your life with and without a partner and may be just starting to recognize a pattern of attaching that doesn’t feel helpful, healthy or ...

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Dating Lessons from The Bachelorette

lessons from the bachelorette

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard of The Bachelorette. This reality television dating show was originally a spin-off of The Bachelor and it features an eligible single woman (aka The Bachelorette) who chooses a husband among 25 bachelors. Throughout the season, dating and relationship dynamics, including drama, conflict, and hurt feelings, unfold - much to the casting directors’ delight - that provide insight into the cast and characters. While this show might be a way to “veg out” on a weeknight, a lot can be learned by viewing the way the selection process through the lens of attachment theory.

Many of the dynamics of ...

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How long should I wait to have sex with my new partner?

couple waiting to have sex

As relationship therapists, one question we get often from clients is how long to wait to have sex with their new partner. Sometimes there is (real or perceived) external pressure from your new partner causing you to ask this question or you might feel that having sex is a way to solidify a new relationship. Other times, having sex with your new partner might seem like a way to fast-track the partnership into your desired status.

My advice around this question isn’t always popular with clients, but it’s backed with evidence that having sex too quickly can create an environment for future relationship challenges. Below you’ll find some things ...

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Why does my partner act distant?

Why-does-my-partner-act-distant

Most likely, you have experienced a partner acting distant or disengaged in a relationship. This might look like long response times between communication, not opening up about his/her experience, or at it’s extreme, the silent treatment. This can feel uncomfortable for almost any partner, but if this feels dysregulating to you, it’s most likely due to a tendency towards anxiety within relationships and in some cases, and an anxious attachment style.

In this blog post, we’ll look at the role of attachment in distancing behaviors, ways to effectively balance needs and expectations around these behaviors, and how a fear of intimacy might play into these challenging dynamics.

Attachment ...

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Why Do I Struggle with Accepting Healthy Relationships?

Happy, healthy couple

Dating can be exhausting. It’s not only time-consuming and expensive, it can also be difficult to meet someone you really connect with and trust. And, when you do, you may struggle with truly accepting a potentially fulfilling relationship. Instead, you might find yourself, repeatedly, in partnerships that are unhealthy or even dramatic. This is a common behavior in dating, and it might cause you to question “why do I struggle with accepting healthy relationships into my life”?

In this blog post, we’ll examine how and why you respond to healthy relationships with resistance and ultimately withdraw. And, we’ll look into how you can become more aware of your ...

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How to Identify Anxious and Avoidant Daters

Anxious avoidant daters

There are three primary attachment styles in dating – Secure, Avoidant, and Anxious. While people tend to display one predominant style, most people fall somewhere on a continuum from avoidant to secure to anxious, and it can look different when interacting with different people (e.g., dates, parents, or friends). We’ve written about this quite a bit and you can find out what kind of attachment style you have by reading this blog post. However, it’s not only important to identify your own default attachment style, but it’s equally important to understand the attachment style of the men or women you date so you can better decode the dynamics ...

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Is My Partner Emotionally Unavailable?

If you are reading this article, you have probably experienced an emotionally disconnected partner who is unable to articulate feelings on a deeper level. This might feel like a lack of comprehensive connection, that something is missing, or that there is an intentional distance kept between you and your partner.

This dynamic can be both painful to manage in a relationship and difficult to spot. Sometimes it feels like emotional unavailability is just a natural part of withholding feelings as trust is developed in the relationship. Most partners who experience their partners like this feel confused, doubt themselves and their feelings, and are trying to understand what is happening. ...

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