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Life is full of lessons, as are relationships. Through various stages of relationships, you’ll be faced with learnings, opportunities for growth, and the ability to do things differently than you did in the past. It’s when we can use the lessons of our past to improve our future relationships that wisdom results and real progress occurs.

Relationships will go through phases as a couple moves from dating to long-term commitment. At each of these phases, there is an opportunity to let go of past patterns and choose to do things differently to help the relationship unfold with more ease and fulfillment.

In this post, we’ll examine the ...

Wine is known to be good for your heart, as are relationships. In fact, scientists have concluded that people who are happily married or in long-term committed relationships actually live longer, on average, than their single friends. But that’s not where the analogy ends. Here are three truths about relationships that also important when making wine, and what you can learn from the alignment. 

Outward appearances mean so little

If you are a wine drinker, at some point in your life, you were probably lured into buying a bottle of wine because of a clever or beautiful label. Maybe that purchase was due to a funny vineyard name ...

Think back to your last break-up...Did you feel devastatingly empty, depressed, lost or wonder how you would move forward without this person in your life? If so, you might be prone to losing yourself in a relationship. If you tend to merge with your current partner, assume their likes and dislikes, and take on his or her interests, after the relationship ends, you most likely feel a deep loss of your sense of self.

You might wonder why you do this, how you can maintain your life with and without a partner and may be just starting to recognize a pattern of attaching that doesn’t feel helpful, healthy or ...

If you are dating, chances are you’ve been perplexed, confused, or flat out surprised by the behavior of someone you have dated. You might recall restless nights or long conversations with friends talking through how unexpected events unfolded in a relationship that went south.

It’s not uncommon at all for there to be a misalignment in what you might be experiencing versus what your partner is experiencing in the very same relationship. This can sometimes lead to an unexpected and heartbreaking break-up or ongoing, confusing dynamics. Successful dating begins with accurately decoding dating behavior, recognizing common patterns, and overcoming the confusion that often accompanies dating.

Ask yourself ...

No matter if you’ve been in a relationship for a few months or a few years, it not uncommon to come to a crossroads and wonder if you should leave the relationship, take a “break”, or start seeing other people again. Maybe the chemistry is fading, your partner’s habits and quirks are wearing on you, or you question whether you can legitimately see a long-term future together. A common time to ask this question is after the honeymoon phase in a new relationship, but this uncertainty can come up at any point, even after years together.

This decision can be one of the most pivotal in your ...

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard of The Bachelorette. This reality television dating show was originally a spin-off of The Bachelor and it features an eligible single woman (aka The Bachelorette) who chooses a husband among 25 bachelors. Throughout the season, dating and relationship dynamics, including drama, conflict, and hurt feelings, unfold - much to the casting directors’ delight - that provide insight into the cast and characters. While this show might be a way to “veg out” on a weeknight, a lot can be learned by viewing the way the selection process through the lens of attachment theory.

Many of the dynamics of ...

As relationship therapists, one question we get often from clients is how long to wait to have sex with their new partner. Sometimes there is (real or perceived) external pressure from your new partner causing you to ask this question or you might feel that having sex is a way to solidify a new relationship. Other times, having sex with your new partner might seem like a way to fast-track the partnership into your desired status.

My advice around this question isn’t always popular with clients, but it’s backed with evidence that having sex too quickly can create an environment for future relationship challenges. Below you’ll find some things ...