Center for Shared Insight, PC

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Losing Yourself in a Relationship

Think back to your last break-up...Did you feel devastatingly empty, depressed, lost or wonder how you would move forward without this person in your life? If so, you might be prone to losing yourself in a relationship. If you tend to merge with your current partner, assume their likes and dislikes, and take on his or her interests, after the relationship ends, you most likely feel a deep loss of your sense of self.

You might wonder why you do this, how you can maintain your life with and without a partner and may be just starting to recognize a pattern of attaching that doesn’t feel helpful, healthy or ...

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Decoding Dating Behaviors

decoding dating behaviors

If you are dating, chances are you’ve been perplexed, confused, or flat out surprised by the behavior of someone you have dated. You might recall restless nights or long conversations with friends talking through how unexpected events unfolded in a relationship that went south.

It’s not uncommon at all for there to be a misalignment in what you might be experiencing versus what your partner is experiencing in the very same relationship. This can sometimes lead to an unexpected and heartbreaking break-up or ongoing, confusing dynamics. Successful dating begins with accurately decoding dating behavior, recognizing common patterns, and overcoming the confusion that often accompanies dating.

Ask yourself ...

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Is It Time to Leave My Relationship?

Time to Leave My Relationship

No matter if you’ve been in a relationship for a few months or a few years, it not uncommon to come to a crossroads and wonder if you should leave the relationship, take a “break”, or start seeing other people again. Maybe the chemistry is fading, your partner’s habits and quirks are wearing on you, or you question whether you can legitimately see a long-term future together. A common time to ask this question is after the honeymoon phase in a new relationship, but this uncertainty can come up at any point, even after years together.

This decision can be one of the most pivotal in your ...

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Dating Lessons from The Bachelorette

lessons from the bachelorette

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard of The Bachelorette. This reality television dating show was originally a spin-off of The Bachelor and it features an eligible single woman (aka The Bachelorette) who chooses a husband among 25 bachelors. Throughout the season, dating and relationship dynamics, including drama, conflict, and hurt feelings, unfold - much to the casting directors’ delight - that provide insight into the cast and characters. While this show might be a way to “veg out” on a weeknight, a lot can be learned by viewing the way the selection process through the lens of attachment theory.

Many of the dynamics of ...

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How long should I wait to have sex with my new partner?

couple waiting to have sex

As relationship therapists, one question we get often from clients is how long to wait to have sex with their new partner. Sometimes there is (real or perceived) external pressure from your new partner causing you to ask this question or you might feel that having sex is a way to solidify a new relationship. Other times, having sex with your new partner might seem like a way to fast-track the partnership into your desired status.

My advice around this question isn’t always popular with clients, but it’s backed with evidence that having sex too quickly can create an environment for future relationship challenges. Below you’ll find some things ...

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The Dating Game: Keeping an Abundance Mindset

abundance mindset

If you are single and dating, you might feel like there isn’t anyone out there for you. Maybe you think “all the good women or guys are taken” or you tend to settle because you are afraid you’ll be alone forever. Keeping an abundance mindset, even in times of scarcity is important in dating and in life. An abundance mindset includes seeing all the potential in the world and how it applies to life and acknowledging that you deserve the best in life. An abundance mindset is the opposite as seeing the world as scarce and limited.

Here are four ways to make an abundance mindset a regular practice.

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Rethinking How You Evaluate a New Partner

Rethinking-How-You-Evaluate-a-New-Partner

You meet someone new, whether that be online or through a mutual friend, and you hit it off. The early fog of infatuation is thick and it feels fun and exciting to learn about someone new. There is immediate attraction, both physical and psychological, and you start to size this new potential partner up against a “list” of necessary qualities you might have pre-established in your head.

Can you relate? Evaluating a new romantic interest begins the moment you first communicate and rarely ends anytime soon after. Just like infatuation, it’s easy to like someone in the beginning because of surface level things -- the kind of ...

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