Center for Shared Insight, PC


Top Relationship Questions: Why Have I Not Found My Future Partner?

girl swinging with an empty swing next to her

As a Denver psychologist specializing in relationship support, the number one question I receive in my therapy sessions is “Why have I not found my life partner?” While the answer can certainly vary significantly from client to client, after a few sessions of discovering more about clients’ lives and challenges, the answer to this burning question is usually revealed in one of four categories:

Unrealistic Expectations

It’s hard to know what lasting love and healthy relationship feels like. Finding and keeping true love is a great mystery of life and is something only felt, not clearly explained in any rule book or life manual. Your previous experiences of love in your life ...

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Are Relationships Your Drug of Choice?

couple riding motorcyle into desert

Pick your poison, Friends! We all get addicted to the feel-good high of certain habits or hobbies… but what if your drug of choice is relationships?

Everyone has something—something that helps the not-so-good times feel just a little bit better, including you.

Maybe it’s a bowl of rocky road ice cream or a glass of red wine after a challenging day at work.

Some seek exhilarating, semi-dangerous experiences to get the juices flowing and feel the thrill of tempting fate.

Others dabble in recreational drugs to temporarily escape the realities of life.

Or maybe it’s the rush of pushing your physical limits ...

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Letting Go Without Closure: 6 Strategies to Help Healing

lady looking out at landscape

Breakups are difficult, even when we get that often-desired last conversation with our beloved. It’s natural to seek a dialogue at the end of a relationship for a variety of reasons -- including to learn what you could have done to be a better partner, understanding why the relationship failed, or for feedback on a certain aspect of the relationship. The hope is that closure will make both parties feel better by learning from their mistakes. In theory, good closure should help you let go and move on with your life. However, there is an illusion that a final conversation has the potential to tie the relationship up in a ...

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Part 2: Partner Patterns -- What Neuroscience teaches us about Relationships

Couple close together with sun shining

In part one of this series, we revealed that the root of feelings and emotions is caused by chemical forces in the body. These releases of hormones are completely out of your control and become the foundation of almost all relationships -- with attraction, lust, and attachment paving the way to true relationship.

In this section, we’ll explore why we love who we love and the role of our visual system in relationship patterning.

Biologically and genetically speaking, we are predisposed to be attracted to a person with opposite genetic characteristics from ours. This primordial tendency to mate for genetic variety (e.g. women demonstrate preference to men who smell ...

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Part 1: Partner Patterns -- What Neuroscience Teaches Us About Attraction

couple looking at each other

Butterflies in your stomach, sweaty palms, a pounding heart and a preoccupation with thoughts of your beloved are surefire signs of a new romance. Yet, what often feels like “love at first sight” or intense early chemistry is simply the result of a neurochemical cocktail released in your body.

Oftentimes, in my work as as a psychologist, I witness the confusion clients have in the early phases of a new romantic connection, and a lack of understanding the difference between the major experiences during dating: attraction, lust, and attachment. Helen Fisher and her colleagues’s (2002) research indicated that there are actually different neural systems and chemical responses ...

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The Fog of Infatuation: 5 Ways to Remain Clear During Early Relationship Bliss

Couple gazing at each other in field

If you are reading this article, it’s likely that you recently experienced the allusive fog (Tatkin, 2016) of a new relationship. Or, perhaps you recognize a habitual pattern of unclear judgement in the early stages of a partnership.

In a related Center for Shared Insight blog post on the Honeymoon Phase of relationships, we discussed the challenges of what’s called limerence, or the early phase of love, driven primarily by novelty and chemistry. Neurochemically, surges of  dopamine, adrenaline, and oxytocin are most responsible for the the “high” of new love (Brittle, 2015). To put the effects of infatuation in prospective, studies show that the release of these chemicals mimics the ...

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Part 3: Dating, Relationships and Attachment Style

In part 1 of this series, we decoded the origin of attachment styles and in part 2, described common attachment patterns and what they mean. Here, we’ll dive deeper into the dance between attachment systems and the resulting relationship dynamics.

Noting the interplay of attachment styles provides fascinating insight into your possible relationship dynamics. While most people have a tendency to exhibit one of these three styles more often than not, it isn’t entirely uncommon for attachment styles to shift due to circumstances, involvement in therapy (Sroufe, 1996), learning, the approach of your partner, and other environmental factors (Brogaard, 2015).

Secure + Secure

The relationship that is most likely to ...

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