Center for Shared Insight, PC

The Relationship Tango: Time to Waltz Instead?

relationship tango

The lesson that will transform your relationships forever.

Last week I sat with my friend “Sarah,” as she described how hopeless and exhausted she’s felt lately, specifically in regards to her newly-blossoming relationship with a man named “Matt.” 

Sarah thinks the world of Matt—he’s charming, successful, generous and (may I say) easy on the eyes. Yet despite Matt’s attractive qualities, Sarah’s not happy and not acting like herself.

Over the past few months, I’ve seen Sarah cancel plans with friends (to spend time with Matt) and change her style of clothing. Even her personality seems different.

It took me minute to put all the pieces together, but this actually seems to be a familiar pattern for Sarah when she starts to date someone—she’s doing a dance, and a frantic one at that.

The Relationship Dance

As a Denver area relationship therapist and dating psychologist, I see several different types of relationship dances that affect the way people conduct themselves within relationships.

Some dances don’t begin at all because the person tends to sit against the wall of life to protect him/herself, usually from potential hurt.

Some dances start slow, are intimate, and involve thoughtful, well-coordinated moves—a gentle push and pull across the dance floor. These partners have chosen each other for a dynamic waltz, perhaps for a lifetime.

Other dances (like Sarah’s) could be compared to a tango. They are intense, passionate and involve a longing to dance that is so strong, so all-consuming, that all else—friends, work, self-care—disappears into the background as… Read More

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