Divorce can be one of the most emotionally disorienting times in a person’s life. Whether you're just beginning the process or deep in it, you may be wondering how to emotionally prepare for divorce — not just to survive it, but to come through it with clarity, strength, and as little harm as possible to yourself and your children.
Even though divorce is common — with current estimates placing the divorce rate for first marriages around 40–50% — it still feels deeply personal, isolating, and overwhelming. You may feel shame, guilt, sadness, or even relief. You may be the first in your friend group or family to go through it. And you might worry about leaning too heavily on others for support.
As a Clinical Psychologist who has worked with divorcing clients for well over a decade, I want to share what I’ve learned — and what my clients have taught me — about emotionally preparing for divorce in a healthy, grounded way.
Divorce Is a Marathon, Not a Sprint
Many people assume that once the legal paperwork is filed, the process will be relatively quick. But that’s rarely the case — especially when children or high conflict are involved. In fact, the emotional aspects of divorce can take far longer than the legal timeline.
Even if your state has a “cooling-off” period (ranging from 0–365 days), that’s just one part of a much larger process. Emotional preparation for divorce means recognizing that healing doesn’t happen on a schedule.
A Helpful Metaphor: Hiking a 14er
Living in Denver, I often compare the divorce journey to hiking a 14,000-foot mountain. You start early, trek through tough terrain, and just when you think you're near the summit — there’s another incline. The trail is long, demanding, and full of false summits.
Similarly, in divorce, you’ll have moments where you think, “Finally, I’m almost done,” only to hit another bump — a custody disagreement, a tough conversation, or a financial hurdle. Emotionally preparing for divorce means accepting that this journey will have twists and setbacks, and developing the resilience to keep going.
Start with Your “Why”: Set Intentions for the Road Ahead
One of the most powerful tools for emotional preparation is clarifying your intentions. Ask yourself:
- "What kind of person do I want to be through this?"
- "What matters most to me during and after this process?"
If your goal is to protect your children’s emotional well-being, maintain your dignity, or avoid escalating conflict, then your “why” becomes your north star.
Sample Intentions for Divorce:
- I will make decisions from a place of calm.
- I will not speak negatively about my ex in front of my children.
- I will prioritize my children's emotional health above my frustration.
- I will advocate for fairness without attacking.
- I will listen first, then respond.
Setting intentions helps you stay grounded when emotions flare up. It also prevents you from making reactive decisions that may have long-term consequences — for you or your children.
Build a Support Team — You Shouldn’t Do This Alone
You can go through divorce alone — but it will be harder, lonelier, and more emotionally taxing. Part of preparing emotionally for divorce is surrounding yourself with the right people — both personally and professionally.
Personal Support:
- Friends or family who can show up without judgment
- People who offer help with practical tasks (childcare, meals, errands)
- Listeners — not fixers — who allow you to vent, cry, and process
Professional Support:
- Individual therapist: A therapist who specializes in divorce recovery can help you process your emotions, make thoughtful decisions, and rebuild your identity.
- Children’s therapist: Divorce is often confusing and painful for kids. Giving them a safe space to talk can make a big difference.
- Group therapy: Sharing your experience with others going through divorce can reduce isolation and increase clarity.
- Co-parenting therapy: If you and your ex are raising children together, this helps build a communication plan focused on your kids’ needs.
Consider Your Legal and Financial Team Too
Therapy helps with emotional preparation, but divorce also involves legal and financial logistics. A well-rounded support team might also include:
- Divorce coaches: For practical, non-legal guidance
- Mediators: Useful for more amicable divorces and cost savings
- Family law attorneys: Best for complex or high-conflict cases
- Certified divorce financial analysts: To help plan for long-term financial stability
- Forensic accountants: Helpful if there are hidden or unclear assets
Attending a local divorce workshop can help you meet multiple professionals in one place and understand what you might need.
Final Thoughts
Emotionally preparing for divorce isn’t about removing the pain — it’s about learning to carry it wisely. It’s about:
- Slowing down enough to be intentional
- Building a team that supports you
- Creating a path forward based on your values
- And recognizing that healing is possible — even in the midst of disruption
This is the beginning of a new chapter. It may not be the one you envisioned, but it can still be meaningful, whole, and even empowering.
Stay tuned for Part 2: Coping With Divorce: Supporting Yourself, Your Children, and Planning for the Future — where we explore emotional coping strategies, co-parenting guidance, and envisioning your life after divorce.
About the Author
Kristen Hick, PsyD is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in post-relationship growth and divorce recovery. She offers individual therapy and Divorce Recovery group therapy in Denver, Colorado, and via telehealth in PSYPACT states.
Contact Dr. Hick to schedule a consultation or learn more about divorce therapy options.
