As a Denver therapist specializing in attachment theory, I often work with clients who are working through challenging dynamics within a relationship. The dance of connection is full of steps and moves that impact the overall harmony between partners. Learning to ask yourself “will this create distance or connection?” can be a helpful step in cultivating more satisfying relationships.
Our perception of narcissism has evolved beyond labeling individuals as “narcissists” when they act overly self-important. While characteristics associated with overt types of narcissism often grabs our attention, its lesser-known counterpart, covert narcissism, is often more subtle in relationships. In this blog post, we'll explore covert narcissism, its prevalence, characteristics, and the challenges it poses, particularly within dating, ...
Imagine a world where you are not energized by the drama in your romantic life, the excitement of your dating stories, or the craziness of your relationship experiences. Can you picture a life where you are content with the ordinary moments of dating and embrace the beauty of “normal”?
In a society that often celebrates the extraordinary, it’s ...
Everyone has a fundamental need for connection, understanding, and validation. When your needs go unmet, or you have past trauma you haven’t healed, you’ll often try to work out these past situations - seeking to repeat the dynamics until you work through it - through your current relationships, sometimes without even realizing it. This is often the case ...
Codependence is often thought of as being overly dependent or even “needy” or addicted to having a partner in your life (usually a romantic partner, but not always). However, codependent behaviors can also include being controlling, over-managing situations, mothering others, changing yourself to fit in, and more. If you are overly focused on monitoring how others are doing or ...
When you are frustrated with your partner, it often feels easier in the moment to let things go or “sweep them under the rug” to keep the peace. While some small quirks, like their chronic habit of leaving dishes in the sink, might be good candidates for acceptance, more significant points of friction, like how often they check their ...
You may hear about dating scammers in the news, and most of these stories are about scammers trying to extort money from innocent people. While that is something to be concerned about, there are also scammers out there who present false or dishonest information in an effort to gain your attention, affection, and/or admiration. You may be especially vulnerable ...
Creating security and safety in a relationship is key to unlocking vulnerability and trust. However, many individuals aren’t accustomed to feeling psychologically safe in a relationship. This is likely due to individuals experiencing the common dating games and confusion, as well as a concern to assert one’s needs, fearing that they won’t be well-received or met.
Just like ...
If you are online dating, chances are you are reviewing a number of dating profiles and looking for alignment in values, interests, and life goals. It’s easy to get your hopes up when you run across a dating profile that seems to be an ideal fit. Once you meet that person in real life, you may notice that the ...
Relationships can be confusing to navigate and understand. If you are experiencing dynamics in your relationship that seem more intense than expected, ongoing or seemingly out of the blue, like withdrawal, unexplained or unusual conflict, or an inability to work through certain situations, don’t assume it is something you are doing. So often, past trauma is the root ...
Before you take the next step in your relationship, consider checking in about the emotional health of the partnership. Similar to the practice of discussing each other’s sexual health before having sex, discussing emotional health before you move forward with a significant relationship milestone, like being exclusive, is critical. If you don’t evaluate the emotional health of a ...
At Center for Shared Insight in Denver, Colorado, we see clients who are experiencing the full spectrum of relationship challenges. Some clients are working to stay engaged in a long-term marriage, while others are struggling with online dating—and everything in between. A handful of clients we see have been struggling for a long time with finding the right ...
Feeling bored in your relationship might feel inevitable. After time, relationships tend to fall into predictable patterns, which can be beneficial if you crave stability, but can also lead to relationship boredom. Especially if you have been with your partner for a while, you may feel that you are in a rut. This feeling is also common if you ...
In almost all parts of life, our brains are programmed to be unconsciously drawn to what is most familiar. Sometimes this can be a positive thing and create productive patterns in your life, such as in cases where you are drawn consistently to nurturing friends or to jobs with companies that have great corporate cultures. Other times, this can ...
Do you often feel frustrated that you haven’t connected with potential partners in the ways you want while dating? Do you tend to rely on the opinions of others too much when evaluating whether someone is the right partner for you? At Center for Shared Insight, in Denver Colorado, we often work with clients who feel this way and, ...
Just knowing that others are experiencing the same challenges and dynamics in relationships is sometimes comforting. That’s why we have compiled this list of resources for you to learn from other professionals who are willing to share their knowledge, research, experiences, and learnings so that others may feel less alone on their dating journey.
Here are some top resources ...
It’s Friday night and, again, you wish that your weekend plans included time with a romantic partner. Maybe you’ve been sifting through online dating profiles for months and have gone on a handful of dates, but nothing has materialized. You log into one of your online dating apps and you almost feel a sense of dread as you again ...
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that someone uses on you to gain control in a partnership, which could be with a loved one, boss, family member or others. The behaviors and comments that accompany gaslighting make you question your own sanity, sense of reality, the past, and can feel as if you are going “crazy.’ If you ...
It’s easy to be on auto-pilot when you are meeting someone new. There is likely a list of questions you ask without even thinking ranging from “what do you do for a living?” to “where did you grow up?”. While these questions might give you surface-level or basic information about a person, maybe even based on a mental ...
In part one of this post, we discussed how this concept applies to goals or changes you might want to make in your life, from career to health to self-care. In part two of this post, we’ll explore how this timeless truth “If you do what you did, you get what you get” impacts your romantic relationships, dating, ...
Recently, I had the opportunity to connect with Dr. Rania Kahn, OBGYN at a local women’s health practice in Denver Colorado, not far from the Center for Shared Insight therapy practice. During our conversation, Dr. Kahn shared some startling news. She has never diagnosed so many positive cases of sexually transmitted diseases, sometimes several in a single visit, than ...
The coronavirus pandemic was a time of great learning and self-reflection. You likely are more appreciative and aware than ever before. This time away from social circles and many day-to-day activities has provided you with a different perspective and life lessons that you will never forget. You are a different person than you were when this pandemic began, as ...
You have probably heard the age-old theory that people with great grades or academic success often are great test takers far more than excellent at retaining information. If you recall taking the SAT to get into college, so much of the preparation for that test was understanding how to take the test well, far more than trying to recall ...
The COVID-19 pandemic has affected your day-to-day activities for almost a full year now. Sometimes it’s even hard to remember pre-COVID times when you made the last-minute decision to go to dinner or sit at a bar for happy hour, or even join in a communal table at a popular coffee shop. The pandemic has reduced the frequency of ...
When I recently read this line on an Instagram post, I quickly jotted it down, eager to share it with my clients as a succinct way to explain something we often discuss in sessions at my practice Center for Shared Insight in Denver, Colorado. As a therapist, I regularly see how clients are reacting to old ...
If your partner has recently ended your relationship and you find out soon afterward that they already have a new romantic interest, there is a good chance that they began a new relationship before ending yours. This phenomenon is also known as “relationship overlapping”. Relationship overlappers take rebounds to the next level by proactively - though sometimes subconsciously - ...
While you may have not heard the exact term “relationship exit” you likely have experienced this situation in your partnerships. Relationship exits are ways you block intimacy or create conflict as a coping mechanism to ensure there is enough space in the relationship. While it’s more common for avoidant attachment types to use exits as an unconscious strategy ...
Online dating. It seems like the perfect way to meet an ideal match while being efficient with your time, selective with your choices, and intentional with your approach. Especially if you live in the suburbs or don’t go out much, it appears that online dating would be an excellent way to meet someone you have a lot in common ...
Dr. Kristen Hick and Dave Glaser, host of the Believe Be Real Be Bold Podcast, talk about various topics, from ways to cultivate self-awareness to resolving conflicts with your partner in this podcast. Framed around understanding behavior through attachment styles, Dr. Hick and Dave remind listeners to be more compassionate for themselves and others as they ...
Ghosting, or disappearing from a relationship completely without warning or explanation, has been happening more frequently in the last several years. This breakup dynamic is on the rise even more during the pandemic, in part because it’s so easy to “go dark” in a digital world when you are less likely to run into an ex at ...
It’s undeniable how much dating has changed as we’ve more fully embraced the digital age, and especially during the Pandemic when our lives have gone fully virtual. Gone are the days of a true “blind date” and today, there are countless ways to both research a potential date as well as “communicate” prior to a first date without even ...
We are navigating unknown waters with the COVID-19 pandemic affecting every aspect of life. With social distancing being the “new normal” for the foreseeable future, you might wonder “what does that mean for dating”? Perhaps “online dating” will take on a whole new meaning as we create new rituals around courtship.
But, dating doesn’t have to be completely ...
Dr. Kristen Hick joined Dave Glaser from Believe Be Real Be Bold to record a Podcast about Attachment Theory. On the show, Dr. Hick reminds listeners that not intimately knowing oneself is what holds many individuals back in relationships. She dives into the types of attachment systems and the gravity and polarity those different ways of attaching ...
When you hear the word “kinks” you may automatically consider the more extreme definition that includes sexual behaviors such as BDSM. However, “kinks” refer to any sexual activity that falls outside of the types of sex that society traditionally considers acceptable. Kinks are healthy, normal, and have a continuum that can even include simply the way you liked to ...
When you hear the words “fear of commitment” you might initially think of someone who is outwardly afraid of marriage or doesn’t want a long-term commitment in relationships. While this fear can certainly manifest like that, it can also show up as behaviors that are less obvious, and the person experiencing this fear can often mask it as ...
You’ve probably received feedback on many of the roles you play in your life. As a student, you likely got a report card, and as an employee, you probably had performance reviews. Yet, one of the biggest roles you play is the partner in your relationship, which comes without a formal review process. Unless you and your partner are ...
How many times has a relationship ended in your life and you’ve commented that “there were red flags all along”? Or, how often have your friends pointed out red flags with people you are dating that you may have chosen to ignore, defend, or rationalize? You might even find yourself talking to a friend after the breakup and ...
Bridging the topic of exploring an open relationship can be scary. There are dozens of reasons this path might appeal to you, from curiosity to “spicing” up your current core, romantic relationship. No matter the “why”, presenting this idea to your partner can make you feel vulnerable.
At Center for Shared Insight in Denver, Colorado, we work with a ...
What is a relationship role model and why is it important? In our therapy practice in Denver, Colorado, we often remind clients why it's important to identify ideal relationships to inform how they might improve their own. Having real-life examples can provide more clarity around what you want and don’t want, and help illuminate the path to get there.
More and more types of relationships emerge as dating becomes increasingly fluid and exploratory. One of the latest examples of this is a “situationship”.
Different than a friendship or relationship, Urban Dictionary defines a situationship as “a relationship that has no label on it... like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship.” While ...
You’re engaged! Congratulations on the decision to take your relationship to the next level. Likely, you’ve already put a tremendous amount of effort into your relationship to get it to this stage. You and your partner have probably already endured some ups and downs and ultimately decided that your connection is strong enough to make a deeper commitment.
It ...
The success of any relationship hinges on the ability for each partner to get their needs met. This is true of a parent-child relationship, friendship, and romantic partnership. But, that criteria of a successful relationship isn’t as simple as it seems. Getting your needs met is a result of identifying, owning, understanding and communicating those needs effectively.
Here are ...
Relationships can often be a roller coaster. No matter if you are in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship or have been married for years, all partnerships will go through good times and rough patches. Especially if you are dating or in a new relationship, it might be hard to understand the underlying reasons for the ups ...
Life is full of lessons, as are relationships. Through various stages of relationships, you’ll be faced with learnings, opportunities for growth, and the ability to do things differently than you did in the past. It’s when we can use the lessons of our past to improve our future relationships that wisdom results and real progress occurs.
Relationships will ...
Wine is known to be good for your heart, as are relationships. In fact, scientists have concluded that people who are happily married or in long-term committed relationships actually live longer, on average, than their single friends. But that’s not where the analogy ends. Here are three truths about relationships that also important when making wine, and what ...
If you are dating, chances are you’ve been perplexed, confused, or flat out surprised by the behavior of someone you have dated. You might recall restless nights or long conversations with friends talking through how unexpected events unfolded in a relationship that went south.
It’s not uncommon at all for there to be a misalignment in what you might ...
No matter if you’ve been in a relationship for a few months or a few years, it not uncommon to come to a crossroads and wonder if you should leave the relationship, take a “break”, or start seeing other people again. Maybe the chemistry is fading, your partner’s habits and quirks are wearing on you, or you question whether ...
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard of The Bachelorette. This reality television dating show was originally a spin-off of The Bachelor and it features an eligible single woman (aka The Bachelorette) who chooses a husband among 25 bachelors. Throughout the season, dating and relationship dynamics, including drama, conflict, and hurt feelings, unfold - much to ...
As relationship therapists, one question we get often from clients is how long to wait to have sex with their new partner. Sometimes there is (real or perceived) external pressure from your new partner causing you to ask this question or you might feel that having sex is a way to solidify a new relationship. Other times, having sex ...
If you are single and dating, you might feel like there isn’t anyone out there for you. Maybe you think “all the good women or guys are taken” or you tend to settle because you are afraid you’ll be alone forever. Keeping an abundance mindset, even in times of scarcity is important in dating and in life. An abundance ...
You meet someone new, whether that be online or through a mutual friend, and you hit it off. The early fog of infatuation is thick and it feels fun and exciting to learn about someone new. There is immediate attraction, both physical and psychological, and you start to size this new potential partner up against a “list” of ...
Most likely, you have experienced a partner acting distant or disengaged in a relationship. This might look like long response times between communication, not opening up about his/her experience, or at it’s extreme, the silent treatment. This can feel uncomfortable for almost any partner, but if this feels dysregulating to you, it’s most likely due to a tendency towards ...
Dating can be exhausting. It’s not only time-consuming and expensive, it can also be difficult to meet someone you really connect with and trust. And, when you do, you may struggle with truly accepting a potentially fulfilling relationship. Instead, you might find yourself, repeatedly, in partnerships that are unhealthy or even dramatic. This is a common behavior in ...
When you first start dating someone, you are most likely open-minded. You look forward to learning more about his or her interests, work, and family. You listen intently to your date’s stories and dreams. You probably find yourself imagining what the future could look like with this potential partner.
It’s easy to quickly move from that open-minded receptive space ...
If you are reading this post, you’ve most likely recently been through a breakup or experienced some level of heartache. It’s inevitable that everyone will go through this experience in their life, so remember that you are not alone. Once you’ve worked through the break-up and recognized the lessons, you might be thinking about dating again. And, as ...
Maybe you are contemplating a major life change. It could be a new job, change in relationship status, or a habit you want to overcome. No matter what you are trying to shift in your life, it’s important to recognize that change happens in phases and in small steps.
If you are struggling with change, it’s most likely ...
Life with a new baby is undoubtedly a joyous experience. From the first giggles to the first steps, there are more memorable moments than you can count. However, as baby becomes the center of the household, it’s natural that your relationship with your partner takes a back seat. The transition to life with baby is one of the most ...
We have all been deep into a relationship, went through a breakup, and then saw several red flags in hindsight – after having time to reflect upon things with a new perspective. Seeing life through the lens of experience and wisdom can be a profound thing and yield important learnings. But, what if you had the tools to reduce ...
Despite the fairytale vision that you likely had in your mind before getting engaged, planning a wedding can be one of the most stressful and emotional experiences in life. Trying to balance both family’s wish lists, blend ideas, and keep plans within budget can add pressure to any relationship. However, enduring these decisions, communicating effectively, and growing as a ...
There are three primary attachment styles in dating – Secure, Avoidant, and Anxious. While people tend to display one predominant style, most people fall somewhere on a continuum from avoidant to secure to anxious, and it can look different when interacting with different people (e.g., dates, parents, or friends). We’ve written about this quite a bit and you can ...
You might approach dating with one end in mind -- marriage (or long-term companionship). However, the insights and learnings that dating uncovers can help better pave your path toward successful marriage or long-term companionship. Instead of narrowly measuring the potential of a relationship by thinking, “Would I marry this person?” ask yourself, “How can I benefit or grow from ...
If you are reading this article, you have probably experienced an emotionally disconnected partner who is unable to articulate feelings on a deeper level. This might feel like a lack of comprehensive connection, that something is missing, or that there is an intentional distance kept between you and your partner.
This dynamic can be both painful to manage in ...
In part one of this post, we discussed signs that you may be desperate for love and therefore, compromising what you look for in a partner. Here, in part two, we’ll examine strategies for overcoming this feeling of desperation and how to approach dating and relationships from a grounded, intentional, and healthy mindset.
Instead of grasping for relationships ...
Session after session, I listen to clients feeling frustrated, rejected, and hopeless about the online dating process. They feel that they have created a decent profile, put up some pictures of themselves looking their best, initiated unique messages, and yet, no dates.
After recently reading a valuable study on online dating profiles and success factors, I was inspired to ...
Saying goodbye to a relationship or even a marriage is tough under any conditions. When these separations happen around the holidays, the grief can be particularly hard to manage. In my work as a Denver therapist, I help clients coping with loss of all kinds all throughout the year, but the loss of a significant relationship around ...
Parenting is likely the most fulfilling and challenging role if your life. No matter the age of your kids, days are filled with a mix of highs and lows, often leaving you with questions about the best approach to raising children in this day and age, as well as the impact the responsibility of kids have on your relationship ...
Self care is a trendy topic, with articles suggesting that nightly baths and weekly pedicures might be the road to a more balanced life. While a little pampering can go a long way in alleviating stress, it’s just the tip of the iceberg when we examine real self care strategies.
In our work as therapists at Center for Shared ...
Have you ever been in a relationship and always felt like you were doing something wrong or something bad was about to happen? Do you have the tendency to blame yourself when things weren’t going as smoothly as you had hoped? Did you find yourself making up stories to explain your partner’s behavior without confirmation from him or her ...
Living in a digital age with endless content can be overwhelming. In my work as a Denver therapist, I often hear from clients that they’ve researched a topic related to relationships on the internet, and haven’t always received the best advice from forums or unreliable sources.
Below you’ll find a collection of top relationship resources that provide solid insight ...
In my work as a relationship therapist, I help clients overcome a variety of relationship challenges by helping provide insights into their experiences and strategies for overcoming common roadblocks.
A challenge I often hear about as a relationship therapist is that the beginning of a relationship felt “easy” and months – or years – later, one or both partners ...
Relationships, like life, are full of change. If you desire to shift any dynamic in your relationships, you must be prepared for and understand how to navigate the natural stages of change.
If your partner in a romantic relationship is attempting to shift his or her behavior such as breaking an addiction, changing long-standing communication patterns, or being more ...
Do you think in black and white or fifty shades of gray? Do you prefer absolutes, certainty, and a clear relationship path or a more spontaneous relationship journey? Do you spend too much time thinking about the ultimate outcome of a relationship rather than simply embracing the moments with your loved one?
Black and white thinking is a common ...
“Dating down” is relatively new relationship terminology but the concept has been around for ages. Even just a century ago, individuals might have been pressured to marry into certain families with certain social status, or been influenced by dowries. Dating outside your social status could be viewed as the modern day equivalent of these dynamics.
While it’s important to ...
Do you ever feel like you are attracted to, date, or even marry the same type of people over and over again? Do all of your relationships fall into a similar pattern and end due to the same dynamics? Does it feel like you attract or invite this relational pattern into your life, perhaps without consciously being aware ...
Relationships can be challenging to navigate. When you add kids into the mix, they quickly become downright complex. Understanding the right time to introduce your kids to your significant other, and potentially meet his/her kids as well, is a very personal decision and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. While there is no hard and fast rule about when ...
We hear a lot of buzz about codependency as a common relationship dynamic. However, there are several other types of dependency in relationships, and determining yours can provide valuable insight into the health of your partnerships.
Both interdependency and independency are other forms of relationship interaction along the dependency continuum. When you can better understand how your relationship is ...
In my work as a relationship therapist in Denver, Colorado, clients often question whether their partner is the best possible match and try to determine whether to keep looking for a better fit. Often this consideration is coupled by a broader “fear of missing out” (FOMO) as clients wonder whether they are settling or if there might be ...
While often the end of a relationships is a time marked by grief, sadness, and regret, it can also be a time of discovery, learning, and maybe even a sense of liberation.
In my work as a relationship therapist, I see individual therapy clients who struggle with breakups and heartache regularly, and refocusing their energy on the lessons and ...
It’s easy to get wrapped up in the excitement of a new relationship. You easily get swept away in the fun of learning all about a new person and experiencing the “firsts” together – first time holding hands, first kiss, the first time he/she calls you “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. During this thrilling time of infatuation, it’s easy to get ...
In the age of information overload, it’s common to want to evaluate a relationship with a long list of pros and cons, or do online research about “signs of the right relationship” instead of simply trusting your intuition, or inner compass when it comes to evaluating the health of your romantic partnerships.
Because you have so many ...
The Relationship Roller Coaster, as I like to call it, is filled with emotional, exciting, and at times, frustrating ups and downs, twists and turns, and thrills. The drama and unpredictability of roller coasters is what gives you the excitement and surge of neurochemicals in your brain, and the very thing that gets you hooked and getting back ...
Even in the best of relationships, at some point, you might question whether you should stay committed or leave your relationship and possibly start over with someone who might be an even better fit. This may happen in the first few months when you are still understanding whether someone is an ideal partner, or years down the line when you ...
The basic beliefs you have about yourself and your control over your future make up your mindset. Research performed by Stanford Psychologist Carol Dweck and summarized in Brain Picking’s recent article by Maria Popova, suggests that while this perspective may shift due to circumstances or personal variables, individuals fall in two core buckets when it comes to mindset: ...
The devastation of having a romantic relationship come to an end – especially if you feel the choice was not yours – can be heart-wrenching. Longer relationships may leave you with a feeling of emptiness as a former lover might have been part of your daily rituals. If your partnership was shorter, but intense and meaningful, you may have ...
Intimacy is a necessary part of any healthy relationship. While it’s most common to think of intimacy as physical closeness, intimacy takes many important forms in a healthy relationship such as emotional closeness, friendship, intellectual alignment, and attachment. A close cousin to intimacy is vulnerability, which is a willingness to put yourself at risk for heartache, rejection, or ...
At Center for Shared Insight, PC, we are committed to answering your most burning relationship questions. In fact, the very core mission of our practice includes sharing insight gathered from thousands of hours spent supporting, educating and guiding clients on their personal journeys of better understanding relationship dynamics.
While pulling away in a relationship is often attributed to male ...
Having a “single” relationship status can be difficult during notable holidays that often involve couples and family – especially Valentine’s Day. For some, it may be a glaring reminder that you are single when the rest of the world says you “should” be in a relationship with a significant other. For others, it may be a welcomed day ...
Relationships with others are a complex, fascinating dynamic that most of us spend our entire life trying to understand, master, and continuously improve. The way we show up in a partnership today is a culmination of the experiences in relationships throughout our lives – those with parents, siblings, relatives, teachers, and other loved ones. This collective experience creates our ...
The holidays are classically known as a joyful time to unite with friends, family, and loved ones. The media portrays a consistent image that the holidays are a blissful time of reunion and generosity. This experience is most likely the ideal. Yet, thousands of people are coming out of a breakup or divorce each year during the holidays ...
It’s often true that differing opinions can enrich and positively affect a relationship – whether that be a romantic relationship, friendship, or family dynamic. Not seeing eye-to-eye can oftentimes lead to embracing important values like
Many couples struggle with a partnership that is built on an ideal of “perfect.” The expectation that a partner shouldn’t do anything slightly “wrong,” and the nit-picking and fault-finding that accompanies such partnerships, can leave the criticized partner feeling confused and frustrated, wondering what they have done wrong and how they can make it right again. However, it usually has ...
In a world of speed dating and swiping, it’s more difficult than ever to make an authentic connection with a potential love interest. Online dating is a constant distraction reminding us to question “what else is out there” and open relationships are more commonplace than ever.
As a mindful dater in this world, it probably feels extremely challenging to ...
You have, no doubt heard of ghosting, but a new dating trend is leaving people feeling unclear about where they stand. Here’s one take on BENCHING.
There’s a new dating tactic in town and if you’ve been out there chasing love, you’ve probably encountered this sneaky, but effective scheme. It’s called “benching.”
Since it was first written about by New ...
If you are single and living now, in the 21st Century -- at a time of rapidly evolving technology and instant gratification, you have probably given online dating some consideration. Most of my clients share that they have hesitations around it, yet feel that it’s necessary to try as a way to potentially overcome challenges of meeting aligned partners. ...
In Part 1 of this series, we discussed signs of relationship anxiety - overthinking, game-playing and self-sabotage - and the common experiences of people who struggle with this challenge. Here, we’ll provide a three-step process for overcoming relationship anxiety in your life. Like the desire to change any unhealthy habits in life, the first step is being committed to ...
As a Denver psychologist specializing in relationship support, the number one question I receive in my therapy sessions is “Why have I not found my life partner?” While the answer can certainly vary significantly from client to client, after a few sessions of discovering more about clients’ lives and challenges, the answer to this burning question is usually revealed in ...
Pick your poison, Friends! We all get addicted to the feel-good high of certain habits or hobbies… but what if your drug of choice is relationships?
Everyone has something—something that helps the not-so-good times feel just a little bit better, including you.
Maybe it’s a bowl of rocky road ice cream or a glass of red wine after a challenging ...
Breakups are difficult, even when we get that often-desired last conversation with our beloved. It’s natural to seek a dialogue at the end of a relationship for a variety of reasons -- including to learn what you could have done to be a better partner, understanding why the relationship failed, or for feedback on a certain aspect of the relationship. ...
In part one of this series, we revealed that the root of feelings and emotions is caused by chemical forces in the body. These releases of hormones are completely out of your control and become the foundation of almost all relationships -- with attraction, lust, and attachment paving the way to true relationship.
In this section, we’ll explore why ...
Butterflies in your stomach, sweaty palms, a pounding heart and a preoccupation with thoughts of your beloved are surefire signs of a new romance. Yet, what often feels like “love at first sight” or intense early chemistry is simply the result of a neurochemical cocktail released in your body.
Oftentimes, in my work as as a psychologist, I ...
If you are reading this article, it’s likely that you recently experienced the allusive fog (Tatkin, 2016) of a new relationship. Or, perhaps you recognize a habitual pattern of unclear judgement in the early stages of a partnership.
In a related Center for Shared Insight blog post on the Honeymoon Phase of relationships, we discussed the challenges of what’s called ...
In part 1 of this series, we decoded the origin of attachment styles and in part 2, described common attachment patterns and what they mean. Here, we’ll dive deeper into the dance between attachment systems and the resulting relationship dynamics.
Noting the interplay of attachment styles provides fascinating insight into your possible relationship dynamics. While most people have a ...
The ideal way to determine your attachment style is to work with a psychologist who is well-versed in attachment theory as it relates to relationships. A professional can help you assess what your attachment style is, understand how it developed, and how it affects your current and future relationships.
In addition, there are questionnaires and books ...
While we often think of attachment as something a child develops with a parent or caregiver, understanding the way we meet or attach to others can provide powerful insight into our relationship dynamics as adults. A deeper understanding can also help us understand and prepare for challenges that will arise in dating and relationships, which we will dive ...
Dating has changed dramatically in the last decade. With texting being an integral part of relationships, to shifting gender roles, the dating world is in a constant state of evolution. The advent of online dating allows singles to easily meet a variety of people outside their circle of friends, and therefore, the odds of encountering a partner with ...
Dr. Hick tells us how to look beyond the dating “list” to find a deeper, uncharted way of dating. Let’s look beyond what’s on paper and date more mindfully.
Everyone has either shared or heard a tragic dating story that starts with, “He/She looked great on paper.” You’ve probably even created—perhaps rewriting many ...
The butterflies, the adrenaline, and untainted hope, and the joy of something new. The honeymoon phase of a relationship – usually defined as anything from the first 90 days to the first year – is the utopic beginning of romance and usually the most beloved phase of a partnership.
Interestingly, as relationship expert and Certified Gottman Couples Therapist, ...
Knowledge of what boundaries are, how they are learned and how fear can influence your boundary setting likely led you to the question, “So how do I set and maintain a healthy boundary?”
The first step to setting healthy boundaries is to get extremely clear on the desired boundary (refer back to Fearless Boundaries: Healthy Boundaries for Better Relationships). Ask ...
In a world of endless choices, desires, and opportunities, the practice of forming boundaries is something we don’t often consciously learn in our formative years. As an adult, you might not completely understand exactly what a boundary is, how it is established, and why it is helpful to you. Boundary-building is a relatively new skill to learn and ...
Spring is finally here and with that comes new life and renewed energy for life and love. As we embrace the season of renewal, spring provides an ideal backdrop for meaningful reconnection, and if you’re single, an opportunity to refresh the outlook on your love life.
In your not-so-distant past, the long Winter months made it easy ...
Historically, spring has been a time synonymous with new life, and a time to leave the stale energy of winter behind. It’s a time to focus again on partnership following the natural “cooling off” period of winter. As we embrace the season of renewal, spring provides an ideal backdrop for meaningful reconnection, or if single, an opportunity to refresh ...
There’s no getting around it. As we age, dating changes. Instead of lamenting the loss of your 20s mentality, lets celebrate why this is actually good news.
Contrary to your waistline, hang-over recovery time, and grown-up expenses likely increasing in your 30s, the time your relationships last have unfortunately (or fortunately) shortened.
Ever think to yourself or hear your friends ...
Valentine’s Day. Two words that can conjure up a whole host of feelings that run the spectrum from joy to dread. What’s certain is that Valentine’s Day will most definitely make you think of one 4-letter word: LOVE.
As a Denver relationship therapist, I witness stories daily that remind me how love is the most elusive, confusing, ...
Well folks, it’s been a year—a year of stepping outside of your comfort zones, imagining how your life, work, relationships, and health could be different, of expanding yourself ...
For some, being single for the holidays is akin to some sort of personal torture. But with a little fearlessness… it most certainly doesn’t have to.
The holiday season: I can probably imagine what comes to mind…joyous times with family, stress-free travel plans, and generous gifts from your special someone. Basically, picture-perfect experiences full of happiness.
Not ...
Boundaries. By now, I’m sure you’ve heard this term thrown around a fair bit. And yet, if you are like many people, you ...
So you’ve taken the plunge—the online dating plunge.
You’ve crafted a good profile. You’ve discussed the activities and interests that are meaningful to you and that you hope to find ...
Greener pastures. A better fit for your “list.” A more “suitable” partner.
No matter what you call him or her, or the general idea, that “perfect ...
It’s about to be summer and as the days – and nights – are heating up, we’ll explore how to have fearless sex.
If you’re new to Dr. Hick’s Guide to Living Fearless in 2015, I’ll give you the scoop. This year, we’re delving into what relationships could be like – what life could be like – if lived ...
Do any of the following descriptions remind you of your own dating experiences?
“A cobb salad, some yummy ingredients, but a whole lot of lettuce underneath.” “Horrifying.” “An assembly line of the same ole’ thing in a slightly different package.”
Yes, unfortunately, these are real-world depictions of singles’ experiences out in the dating world. Dating is full of funny stories, romantic gestures, ...
As your year of living fearlessly continues, our focus turns towards this unique time of year.
There is an energy bouncing around us, within us and through us and, a renewed hope and rejuvenated spirit—it’s Spring!
Regardless of where you live, winter is a time for hunkering down, eating delicious holiday foods and spending more time indoors—even if you spend them at the ...
I think we’ve all done enough damage with this whole “falling” in love thing. Yes, the initial descent can feel pretty amazing, but oh, the inevitable collapse on the other side of that bliss, no matter how pure our initial intentions.
As a part of our year-long focus on Fearless Living, let’s choose another aim. This year let’s rise in love ...
In last month’s installment of Fearless Living in 2015, we explored how loving yourself fearlessly—including all of your flaws, imperfections, and quirks—could change your life. I hope that taking time to reflect on a daily and ongoing basis provided new insights into ...
February is a time in which most people focus, ponder, or obsess about loving someone else or finding someone to love. Valentine’s Day has turned into a day to say to the world, “See, I am worthy of love!” Unfortunately, this inevitably lends itself to feeling unworthy of love if you’re single, or to a ...
Some of you were lucky enough to have had a pretty “normal” childhood. What is “normal” these days, you ask? Well I don’t mean picture-perfect, Leave ...
In yoga, an almost 2000-year-old physical, emotional and spiritual health practice, breathing is an essential component. In fact, it is one of eight essential sutras of yoga.
In past blogs, I have made use of ...
If you’re like many of the individuals I help, you’re wondering why your relationships never seem to work out as happily as you intend. Certainly there are relationships that can surprise you in some very unsavory ways, no matter how much foresight you have or how long you’ve been together (think mid-life crisis gone very bad).
However, my experience is that ...
This is advice I regularly share with clients as a Denver relationship therapist.
Asana refers to the physical practice that most people think of when they think of yoga, but, as you’ll see, it also provides a helpful model for thinking about how we lean ...
First let’s start by qualifying what I mean by a “perfect” relationship. As a Denver relationship psychologist, I regularly witness people envisioning a “perfect” relationship as being one that mirrors the fantasy created by Hollywood and advertising executives to help you buy in to what they are selling: ...
Have you ever wished that someone would outline a few universal rules for dating? Rules that made the exciting, nerve-racking, fun-but-mysterious process of dating a little more clearly defined? A set of rules that others were sworn by oath to follow in order to gain clearance to ask that certain someone out on a date?
If so, you’re ...
The five niyamas outline the principles in which how we should treat ourselves.
Remember what I said about wanting a set of rules to guide dating experiences? Not only would it benefit you to adhere to the five yamas (how to treat others), but to date well, you need to be a good date. To ...
Sitting at a local restaurant patio with a girlfriend, I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation taking place between three gentlemen sitting next to me, who looked to be in their late 30s to early 40s. One would expect they were of the age of men, correct? To the untrained eye, why of course.
One guy, let’s call him “Tom,” was ...
It’s been a couple of months since he/she broke your heart.
You’ve spent time sulking, crying, being angry and talking it out with close friends. You may have drunk your fair share of wine and/or gotten to know your local bartender better than you used to.
You’ve thrown away pictures and returned items of clothing and possessions to your ex. Perhaps you ...
If you are reading this, you are probably invested in knowing yourself more intimately than the average person.
You’ve probably done your fair share of work on resolving the past and creating new narratives in your ...
We’ve all seen the shows. An “expert” comes in to a person’s home, filled wall to wall with veritable mountains of stuff.
Some people are holding on to papers in case they need that one precious piece of information later, unsure ...
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