Imagine a world where you are not energized by the drama in your romantic life, the excitement of your dating stories, or the craziness of your relationship experiences. Can you picture a life where you are content with the ordinary moments of dating and embrace the beauty of “normal”?
In a society that often celebrates the extraordinary, it’s more and more difficult to appreciate the everyday moments of connection and ordinary characteristics in your partner. While it may feel less exciting, and therefore less intoxicating, it's absolutely okay not to feel the need for constant drama, excitement, or anything 'extra' when it comes to dating.
While you often hear about relationship red flags, in this post, we’ll explore the concept of “beige flags” which are predictable and reliable behaviors. We’ll discuss why dating partners who are even and normal is not just okay – it's often better.
The Myth of Drama and Excitement
In a world dominated by social media and reality TV, it's easy to fall into the trap of believing that your life must be filled with constant excitement and drama. You may find yourself comparing your day-to-day life with the highlight reels of others, including celebrities and content creators. The reality is that life's most precious moments often occur in simple, everyday experiences. This is especially true when it comes to dating.
If you question your latest love interest because it feels a little boring or predictable, start by embracing the notion that there's beauty in the mundane. Work to find joy in sharing everything from your breakfast routine to peaceful walks to cozy evenings in. You might be surprised how relatable and comforting your 'normal' life can be to others, and how happy you can be to share your everyday rituals, and experience others’ patterns and interests.
Notice whether your attraction to excitement and drama stems from early, unpredictable, and chaotic childhood experiences. For example, if your parent’s moods and/or behaviors were sometimes warm and friendly and sometimes irritable, angry, distant, and/or inconsistent, you might have been left in a state of wondering which parent you might get from day to day or hour to hour. Likewise, your nervous system became conditioned to feel familiar in this up and down state of being. If those highs and lows were part of your earliest experience of relationships, likely with your caregivers, you may be attracted to or even work to recreate those familiar realities.
The Power of Authenticity & Consistency
One of the most important aspects of a healthy partnership is authenticity. Trying to maintain constant excitement in a relationship can lead to burnout and emotional exhaustion. Remember that authenticity is not about being different or intriguing; it's about being true to yourself. True authenticity is magnetic and will draw those who appreciate your genuine self closer to you.
Consistency and stability are important foundational aspects of a relationship. Routine can provide comfort, and it doesn't need to be associated with a lack of excitement. A stable life allows you to build meaningful, lasting relationships, and achieve your long-term goals without being swept away by the constant uncertainty of change. It's perfectly fine to be predictable, and you might actually attract like-minded, stable partnerships by being this way. Predictability is often what makes you a reliable friend, partner, and colleague.
In a world that is quick to talk about red flags and often sees 'beige flags' as something negative, remember that these beige qualities often contribute to enduring relationships. Embracing the beauty of normalcy means appreciating the everyday moments, valuing authenticity, and celebrating stability. When you let go of the desire to seek drama and excitement, you may find contentment in the consistency you experience in even and normal partnerships.
At Center for Shared Insight in Denver, Colorado, we support clients who desire to have better relationships. Therapy allows many of these clients to identify patterns and behaviors that might be sabotaging their efforts, including looking for drama and excitement in partners. Contact us to learn more about our services.
