At Center for Shared Insight in Denver, Colorado, we see clients who are experiencing the full spectrum of relationship challenges. Some clients are working to stay engaged in a long-term marriage, while others are struggling with online dating—and everything in between. A handful of clients we see have been struggling for a long time with finding the right partner, or committing to a satisfying relationship.
Individual therapy can help anyone improve the quality of their relationships. If you have been trying to find a partner for some time, the process has likely left you feeling frustrated, at a dead end, or consistently unhappy about the quality of your romantic relationships.
In this post, we outline two key ways that therapy can support you in finding a partner and achieving long-term relationship satisfaction.
Providing a neutral perspective
Relationship therapists are specifically trained to support individuals struggling with finding and keeping love alive in their lives. They serve as a neutral third-party expert and an objective voice who can listen to your challenges and help you understand:
Your relationship blind spots and unconscious tendencies. You, like everyone else, have parts of yourself that you don’t want to admit to having, deny, or cover up. As you become more self-aware, you’ll become more conscious of everything from self-sabotaging behaviors, to unhelpful communication patterns, to coping mechanisms that might be preventing you from being in your most fulfilling relationships. A therapist can help accelerate this process and provide perspective as well as help you identify ways to change your patterns and beliefs.
Your tendency to overthink, second guess, replay scenarios, or doubt your actions. Sometimes, you need feedback from someone who isnt emotionally invested to the same degree as your friends and family. By working with a therapist, you can more objectively evaluate relationship situations, including how quickly you move through relationship milestones, or what behaviors you make excuses for with your new partner. A therapist can also point out if you are jumping to conclusions or overthinking based on past patterns or experiences and how you might, instead, evaluate partners with a fresh perspective.
Your relationship goals. A therapist can objectively help you understand whether your expectations are too high, too low, or whether you are holding yourself to standards that are unrealistic. Maybe you are too focused on finding “the one” instead of focusing on overcoming destructive relationship patterns. Maybe you are jumping into things too fast after a divorce. A therapist can point out how realistic your relationship goals are, especially as they relate to others in your position, stage of life, or with a similar relationship history. Not to mention, a therapist can be your biggest supporter in reaching your relationship goals.
Helping you uncover relationship patterns
One of the greatest challenges in finding a fulfilling partnership is identifying and overcoming old patterns. The work you do in therapy can help you recognize self-sabotaging behaviors and help you, instead, choose new dynamics and test different communication styles. Recognizing these situations is difficult on your own and the perspective a therapist offers can quickly help you see things in a new way. Similarly, a therapist can help you understand your attachment style and how it impacts your relationship choices and actions when you experience attachment anxiety or overwhelm. Understanding your attachment system and how it impacts your reactions in relationships can deepen your awareness of self. Lastly, a therapist can help you truly understand what you really want and need in a partnership, versus what you have settled for. This is particularly true if you have experienced past relationship trauma that has prevented you from fully engaging in new, healthy relationships.
Therapy has many benefits that include simply better understanding yourself and more actively creating a life in which you thrive. Working with a therapist on an individual level makes you more self-aware, objective, and creative in your approach to relationships and dating. Contact us to learn more about our practice and expertise in attachment theory, and how individual therapy can help you overcome your ongoing relationship challenges.