Just knowing that others are experiencing the same challenges and dynamics in relationships is sometimes comforting. That’s why we have compiled this list of resources for you to learn from other professionals who are willing to share their knowledge, research, experiences, and learnings so that others may feel less alone on their dating journey.
Here are some top resources we often share with clients at Center for Shared Insight (some of them are even produced by our therapists!) to support their dating journey and we hope they also provide some help and guidance to you.
Books
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by researcher Brené Brown is not just a book about dating and relationships, but it will have a profound impact on the way you approach romance and connection. The core message in this book is about showing up and letting yourself be seen, and taking emotional risks for stronger relationships. You can view a summary of the core message in this book in her podcast on the topic.
Getting the Love You Want by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly shares decades of research to explain why you chose your partners, how to resolve power struggles, how to deal with past trauma that might bubble up through a current relationship, and how you can better listen to your partner. While this book is aimed at couples in existing relationships, it provides invaluable insights to help you understand your dating dynamics and tendencies, and this awareness can help you have more deeply fulfilling relationships.
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love by Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel S. F. Heler, M.A. explains the science of why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle. This book compiles years of research to help you not only determine what attachment style you embody, but also offers recommendations for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people you love.
Two books by John and Julie Gottman stand out to us: Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love and Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. The first book is a dating book that guides new couples through conversations that are essential to evaluating and building a lasting relationship. It guides couples through conversations around money to dreams, using the Gottman principles. The second Gottman book is based on decades of couples research, culminating into the seven principles that they see in successful, lasting couples. It’s basically a how-to book to create and sustain a lasting marriage.
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love is written by another much-admired relationship expert in the field, Sue Johnson, PhD. Dr. Johnson bases her book on the attachment research and work she has done with Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. She guides the reader through seven conversations that can help couples create lasting relationships.
Podcasts
Attachment Theory with Dr. Kristen Hick, Licensed Psychologist is part of the Believe Be Real Be Bold Podcast series hosted by Dave Glaser. In this episode, Dr. Hick dives into the types of attachment systems and the gravity and polarity those different ways of attaching impact relationships. She reminds listeners that not intimately knowing oneself is what holds many individuals back in relationships and discusses how you can begin to heal unresolved relationship experiences that prevent secure connection.
Healing your Dating Wounds is co-hosted by a dating coach named Yue and researcher, Julie, and is part of a series titled Dateable: Your insider’s look into modern dating. This episode highlights how it's usually the work you do on yourself that holds you back or makes you successful when it comes to dating, and how committing to therapy can lead to more satisfying relationships.
Using Attachment Theory to Help our Relationships to Grow with Helen Dent, a clinical and forensic Psychologist, attachment style expert, and author. This episode is part of the Project Love podcast series. In this session, the host and Dr. Dent discuss types of attachment, how to navigate relationships when your partner has a different attachment system, and the self-awareness it takes to reprogram the way you attach to others.
Mark Groves, a self-described Human Connection Specialist, delves into many different relationship topics in a very authentic and powerful way on his podcast. One of our personal favorites is a two-part series called Mark and Kylie - Let It Burn Pt. I and Let It Burn Pt. II, where this couple dives into their conscious break-up, the exploratory and reparative work they both did on their individual, core wounds, and how they reunited as a healed and more intentional couple.
Ted Talks
The Brain in Love with anthropologist Helen Fischer discusses the very real and physical need for romantic love. In this Ted Talk, Helen Fisher and her research team took MRIs of people in love, and people who were going through a breakup, and helped us decode what happens to the brain during the phases of a relationship.
How to Fix a Broken Heart with psychologist and author Guy Winch explores how recovering from the unique emotional pain of heartbreak starts with a determination to fight your instincts. It requires letting go of idealized answers and a search for clarity that isn’t there. His research and insights can help you move on and prepare better for the next opportunity for romantic love.
The Mathematics of Love with theorist Hannah Fry provides the math of matchmaking, discusses patterns in how you look for love, and provides three mathematically sound tips for finding that special someone.
Do you have a favorite podcast, book, or Ted Talk that has helped you date better or have more success in a relationship? We’d love to hear from you and add your recommendation to our list! Contact us by completing this form to share a helpful resource or to learn more about how we can support your dating journey through ongoing therapy.
