Center for Shared Insight, PC

The Dating Game: Keeping an Abundance Mindset

August 26, 2018
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Posted By: Kristen Hick, Psy.D.
abundance mindset

If you are single and dating, you might feel like there isn’t anyone out there for you. Maybe you think “all the good women or guys are taken” or you tend to settle because you are afraid you’ll be alone forever. Keeping an abundance mindset, even in times of scarcity is important in dating and in life. An abundance mindset includes seeing all the potential in the world and how it applies to life and acknowledging that you deserve the best in life. An abundance mindset is the opposite as seeing the world as scarce and limited.

Here are four ways to make an abundance mindset a regular practice.

Practice Gratitude

Where attention goes, energy flows, and when you practice gratitude, you tend to see all that you have instead of what you lack. This applies when you meet someone in dating and to life overall. Making gratitude a daily ritual leads to greater happiness and more fulfillment. Especially in difficult times, when scarcity is a default thinking pattern, the practice of gratitude can help you recognize how much you truly have. This positivity is contagious in all parts of life. For instance, when you actively practice gratitude in your career, you’ll feel more positive even when reflecting on dating.

Reframing

If you tend to find things you don’t like about everyone you date, or, if you are in a relationship and wish a handful of things were “different” about your partner or relationship, try focusing on what is good and right instead. For instance, if you wish your partner watched sports less, try to instead focus on the fact that your partner has healthy passions (as opposed to unhealthy behaviors like excessive drinking). Not to mention, his or her time focused on sports provides you with opportunities for solo time or outings with your friends during Sunday football games. When you can reframe a challenge or perceived shortcoming into an opportunity for yourself, you start to see the “glass half full” and experience life through the lens of abundance.  

Reframing can also look like focusing on who is in the dating pool, instead of who is not. Expand your expectations and consider people that might not include the typical qualities you seek in a partner, especially when it comes to more superficial qualities. Be willing to look outside the box both in who you go out with and how you might meet them. Focus on trying to meet people who are into an activity or interest you enjoy instead of going after the normal tall, good-looking, successful partner that your ego might be attracted to.

Surround Yourself with Positivity

A positive outlook is contagious. When you spend your time with positive people, you too will have a refreshing outlook on life. Select your company carefully and notice how you feel after spending time with certain people. Are you drained, negative, emotionally overwhelmed, or even shut down? Notice alternative relationships in which you might leave feeling inspired, uplifted, and hopeful. Spend more time with people in the latter category to help foster an abundance mindset. This is especially important as you reflect on dates. How did this potential partner make you feel during and after spending time together? Many studies show that we become very similar to the five closest people to us over time, so carefully select the people you aspire to become more like and spend time with them as often as you can. Don’t settle for dates or friends that offer anything less.

Give Back

If you tend to have a scarcity mindset by default, consider volunteering with those less fortunate. When you see firsthand how other populations might overcome struggle, it puts life in perspective and helps you to see the abundance of all you have. Making an impact with a cause you are passionate about, whether that be youth, homelessness, or the disabled, can help you gain perspective about your own challenges.

How do you keep an abundance mindset? Having someone hold you accountable to this approach in life and dating is immensely helpful if you are focused on cultivating an abundance mindset. Our team at Center for Shared Insight is invested in clients’ personal growth and fulfillment and offers tips and daily practices to help keep clients on track with this desire. Contact our team to learn more about how regular therapy can hold you accountable to an abundance mindset, prevent you from settling in dating, career, or friendships, and help you recognize thoughts that originate from a place of scarcity. Schedule a consultation with us today.

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