Center for Shared Insight, PC

The Power of Pre-Marriage Couple’s Therapy

April 28, 2019
Posted By: Kristen Hick, Psy.D.
Pre Marriage Couple's Therapy

You’re engaged! Congratulations on the decision to take your relationship to the next level. Likely, you’ve already put a tremendous amount of effort into your relationship to get it to this stage. You and your partner have probably already endured some ups and downs and ultimately decided that your connection is strong enough to make a deeper commitment.

It might feel on the surface that the hard work is done and that you’ve arrived at the place you’ve dreamed of since you’ve been a young child — ready to marry the “love of your life” and “live happily ever after”.

But, the truth is that much of the work of your relationship is just about to begin. From planning a wedding to agreeing on things like finances and boundaries within your relationship and with family, you’ll quickly learn even more about one another during your engagement. In preparation for a successful marriage, and in an effort to manage these phases of transformation, there is no better time for couple’s therapy.

What is couple’s therapy?

While couple’s therapy gets a reputation for being a means to “fix” a “broken” relationship, it has a lot of potential to create understanding and prevent conflict by introducing maintenance work, especially as relationships are in transition phases (like during the duration of an engagement). In couple’s therapy, you’ll use one or more methods to help understand the reasons for your behavior, your individual needs (and your needs within the relationship), and triggers for disconnection. You might dive into previous relationships and understand the way they impact your current relationship, or investigate the role of your earliest intimate relationships and how they influenced your attachment system. Even if you have spent several years getting to know your fiance’, you’ll learn about him or her on a deeper level as a therapist facilitates discussions about your unique relationship needs and dynamics.

How will this help?

As you begin to plan your wedding, you might, for the first time, have conversations about your values, finances, priorities, family dynamics, boundaries, and other difficult topics. When this all happens at once, it can feel overwhelming. For instance, maybe your parents have their own opinions about the location of your wedding or how many guests they would like you to invite on their behalf, which drastically impacts the cost of your ceremony and reception. This could quickly escalate into an argument, or even a misunderstanding, if you don’t have the tools to talk about these points of friction. For the first time, you may be prioritizing decisions based on values, which may be in alignment or not, and learning the art of compromise. Having these difficult conversations for the first time can put a strain on your relationship during a traditionally exciting time, and a therapist can help you work through these new dynamics.

Beyond the wedding

While wedding planning can be the first opportunity to explore some of these points of friction and opportunities for understanding, it’s just the beginning. Pre-marriage therapy can help you develop both an understanding and a game plan for many dynamics in your relationship, such as how you’ll deal with conflict around money, how you’ll spend your time as a married couple, and division of chores in your home. Being proactive about the top triggers for a couple can help you prevent disagreements down the line, as your relationship evolves, and can lead to more success early in your marriage.

Plus, having a relationship with a couples therapist at the outset of your marriage, can help when you inevitably run into normal relationship roadblocks further down the line. The upside to this is that your therapist already knows you both and you don’t have to worry about finding a new therapist in the midst of a hard time. Since you have an established relationship, you may be able to drop in for shorter “tune-ups” and be on your way again.

Selecting your support    

Choosing a therapist who is aligned with your goals and needs is an important part of a successful experience. Understanding which method your therapist primarily uses, and whether your goals are aligned are important criteria for selection. Our team of therapists in Denver, Colorado can help you navigate this important time with your new partner. Contact us to schedule your free consultation and learn more about how we can support your evolving relationship.


Related Blog Posts
May 1, 2022
Overcoming Relationship Boredom

Feeling bored in your relationship might feel inevitable. After time, relationships tend to fall into predictable patterns, which can be beneficial if you crave stability, but can also lead to relationship boredom. Especially if you have been with your partner for a while, you may feel that you are in a rut. This feeling is also common if you are just moving beyond the honeymoon phase of your relationship. After the initial infatuation fades, boredom can set in.

In this post, we examine relationship boredom based on ...

April 5, 2022
Attracted to the Familiar: How to Override The Automatic Mind

In almost all parts of life, our brains are programmed to be unconsciously drawn to what is most familiar. Sometimes this can be a positive thing and create productive patterns in your life, such as in cases where you are drawn consistently to nurturing friends or to jobs with companies that have great corporate cultures. Other times, this can be detrimental. For instance, if you grew up in an abusive home or were in a pattern of unsatisfactory relationships, you will likely continue to unconsciously choose them. In these ...

If you have difficulty using our website, please email us or call us at (720) 644-6698
View the ADA Accessibility Statement
This website is designed for general information only. The information presented on this site should not be construed to be formal psychological or mental health advice or treatment nor the formation of a therapist-client relationship.
CSIP UPDATE - Offering Online Therapy sessions (to COLORADO residents) during Covid-19.
Our therapists are here to help you during this uncertain time. We know you and others are trying to do your part to social distance due to Covid-19, which is why we are happy to provide online therapy sessions through our secure video platform. We are here to talk with you about how we can meet your therapy needs. 
Contact us today to learn more!